Vlog: Is Your Husband an Enemy or Ally?

Think back to a time when you were with other couples and one stood out to you because the wife was constantly negative about her husband.  He doesn't remember what the kids favorite foods are, or he forgets which drawer holds their P.J.'s. In her eyes he just can't seem to get anything right. Not only is it uncomfortable for everyone around them, but it's wrong.  I heard somewhere that No One Should Compliment Your Husband More Than You In Public.  That is compelling. Do you get why or do I have to tell you :) Because you want to be your husband's biggest cheerleader.  It shields your relationship with him.

Maybe you are thinking that you'll feel weird if you give him compliments in public. Maybe you think he'll try to stop you. Do it anyway. Try it. Make it a habit.

I, too, get frustrated sometimes at what seems like something soooo simple that he either doesn't do well with the children or simply FORGETS to do. I thought about it this way. My brother-in-law owns Centerville Station (it's a Mechanic shop in Centerville, OH and if you live anywhere near there you should check it out :).  I think about how lost I would be trying to fix someone's car. It's not my territory and I know very, very little about the inner workings of a car. After some instruction, I may be able to navigate around an engine, but I wouldn't know how to diagnosis the problem or fix it, let alone find the tools. I wouldn't understand the billing process or the computer system. I could call the customer, but if they asked me any specific questions I would be lost!!  Then, if the person training me just started yelling at me or broadcasting that I did not know what I was doing, after I had been shown after feeling ashamed I would probably get upset and resent the person who was saying those things about me.

Imagine, that is your husband. Lord willing, he is doing the best that he can. He wants to be a good husband. He wants to be a good dad, but the stuff that we do day in and day out are not his area of expertise.  Even if you both work outside the home, he is just not wired the same way you are to think of the same things that you do.

Let's look at it another way.  My husband is on the phone with his brother. He hangs up and I ask, "How are the kids?" Him, "I didn't ask and he didn't say." Me: "Is everyone feeling well?" Him:"I don't know." Me:"Are they coming up anytime soon?" Him:"I don't know." Me:"What did you guys talk about?"

I'm on the phone with Sarah and after I hang up he asks," Did they get their van fixed?" Me:"I don't know." Him:"Did the part they ordered come in?" Me:"I don't know." Him:"Are they going to the game?"  Me:"What game?" Him: "What did you guys talk about?"

We are on a totally different wave length sometimes. As the Crazy Cycle would put it, "It's not Wrong, It's just different."

Instead of mentally beating up our husband, and focusing on our differences, which we see as inadequacies, why not focus on the areas that he does well. Focus on your husband as an Ally not an Enemy.  Your marriage will be a lot more fun because You will be A LOT more fun to be around!!

~Julia

Staying Sane While Homeschooling

We are 5 weeks into our school year. 

Here are the 5 things I've learned I need, to keep my sanity:

1. I need to make a weekly schedule, then take a chill pill and relax when things don't go exactly as planned. I like feeling organized, I like routines and goals. I need goals, otherwise I tend to get lazy. But we homeschool, and one of the perks to homeschooling is that you don't have to follow a schedule! My goal every day is to hit the gym by 7:30am, return home showered, dressed (looking fabulous) and ready to go (I know, right?).  I like when my husband has got the kids up, dressed and fed, so that when I return we are ready to get going on school by 9:00. It doesn't usually go that smoothly, but it's our goal. I've learned not to beat myself up when it doesn't happen quite like that (or at all like that).
2. We all need breaks. For the kids: If you're half way through a math lesson and your child has mentally checked out and seems completely unresponsive after numerous attempts, have them get up and take 5! Do a lap around the house, sit on the couch and rest, read a book, or eat a snack. Then, get back to work. For me: I need down time at least once a day to keep my sanity, regardless of how productive or unproductive the day has been. I strictly enforce nap time/quiet times here at our house. While my one year old sleeps, the four year old naps or plays quietly in his room and the five year old sits on a bed with books or at a desk to color. Since my 1 year old is still taking a good 2 hour nap mid day, the rule for my other 2 kids is to stay quietly in their rooms until she wakes up.
3. I kinda need a clean house. I find that my sanity is directly correlated with how clean my house is. Everyone in the family contributes to a general clean-up of everything before going to bed at night. We usually start the day off pretty tidy, but by noon, things can look like a disaster zone! After lunch, we do a round-up of all the toys, my 5 year old cleans the table off and my 4 year old vacuums up crumbs with the dust buster. I'm no clean freak, I'm all about letting the kids be kids and have fun with their toys, but a little mid-day organization in the midst of chaos can be very therapeutic!
4. I need unconditional support from my husband. Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's reality, but I feel a lot of pressure as a homeschooler. I know there are people watching what we're doing; fellow bloggers, blog readers, friends and family members. I know there are some people watching out of general curiosity, and others that remain very skeptical. I know that on top of our parenting responsibilities, taking on the sole educational instruction of our children is no small task. Because of this, I have my moments of emotional breakdown, and I need to know my husband is behind me 100%. 
5. I need to get out of the house and have alone time. For this reason, starting my day at the gym really does help. At the end of the day, I can at least say that I got out of the house at one point! Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I love having them at home and I love being around them all day. But I know my limits, and so does my husband. He is pretty good about picking up on my vibe that says "Help! Get me outta here!" Sometimes all I need is a change in scenery :)

*For further encouragement to chill out, read this cool little post: Dear Moms, Jesus Wants You to Chill Out For the record, I read that right after publishing this post and found it very fitting to include here :)

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